I have a hard time finding it in myself to hate anyone. It isn't worth the effort it takes to maintain negative thoughts and feelings and I prefer to not even think of people who I might end up having hard feelings for, but when you put someone you seriously dislike out of your mind and then they come back repeatedly, it really makes it hard to reach a comfortable level of indifference.
I dated this guy for a few months last year. Nothing too serious or anything, but after we broke up in January, that should have been it, right? I had hoped so but no... My luck with old news is complete shit. This past September he sent an email and spilled his guts, so I replied and let him know that I didn't care about him or his feelings. It's over, and I don't care. I. Don't. Care. I don't know how to put it any more simply than that. Anyway, I'm sitting here working at home tonight and who
IM's me? Dustin. What is this guy's problem? Does he like pain? Rejection? Is he just screwing with me? Is it another one of his GAMES? What? When someone ISN'T INTERESTED in having anything to do with you anymore, WHY would you continue to bother that person? What is wrong with people who can't seem to move on and leave people in the past where they belong when that's exactly where they want to be?
So much for not posting my personal business online, but holy crap! I can be a bitch so I'm going to be a bitch and post this garbage since I'm pretty sure this guy still looks at my profile. Maybe he'll get the hint once I do this and GO AWAY for good and NEVER BOTHER ME AGAIN.
Dustin: Go away. Leave me alone. Piss off. Don't email me, don't message me, don't even think about me. I don't want to talk to you, see you, think about you or read your words. I'm 39 years old. I knew you for what - about 6 months? 6 months out of 39 years is such an insignificant amount of time for it to be MEANINGLESS. You are nobody to me. Have I contacted you? No! Shouldn't that say something right there? Have I given you any reason to think I might want to hear from you? Definitely another
'NO' there.
Here's his email. Enjoy.
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Subject: From Dustin
Date: 9/9/2007 3:03:16 P.M. Mountain Standard Time
From: suicideace
To: netcritter
Hello,
Please just let hear me out before you just get rid of this and just delete it.
I just in a pretty serious accident recent and I was pretty beat up. It happened in July and the news stations says that I had died in the accident. I am here to to you that although I has got some pretty serious injuries I am not dead, although I was really close. I will not bore you with all the details of the accident and the time that I was in the hospital. Well maybe I will bore you just a little bit. I am home and out of the hospital now but I was in the hospital for about a month. I am going
to therapy to work on getting my body back to normal and to bet it healed. I feel good and I am getting better everyday. The only real problem that I have now is I have to walk with a crutch but I think I will have that gone in a couple of weeks.
The other reason that I wanted to talk to you is because of my accident I have doing some sould searching and looking at the mistakes I have made. Me losing you was one of the biggest mistakes that I made. I have been looking back on what we had and what we did and I miss it all. I have though about or first date at Club Vegas and how nervous I was to come and meet you and the time that you drove out to Mesquite to be with me. I have been thinking of all of that and I just want you to know how
really sorry I am that I ever hurt you. I think about you a lot and I hope that life is going good and that it is all going okay. I imagen that Hannah if growing like a weed and is still looking for giants inside the cupboards. I just wanted you to know I do truley miss you and that I am sorry for everything that I did. I was just stupid and I couldn't see when I had something really good. I did have something really good. I regret that I never told you what I really wanted to tell you so many times
before. Since my accident I know now that when ever I feel something I would tell that person instead of being scared to say it or instead of keeping it inside. So right now I would like to tell you what I wanted to tell you so long ago and what I almost didn't get to say again. I want you to know that I love you and I really did love you. I still love you to this day. I think that you are a great woman and I was lucky to have you. You brought happiness to my life and you were filled my mind with
your beauty.
I just wanted you to know how I felt and how I still feel now. I loved seeing you everyday and I loved being with you. I know that things have changed and a lot of time has passed by. I am not looking for anything from you. I just wanted you to know how I felt and I hope to hear from you and I hope that we can still keep in touch and talk to each other.
I hope to hear from you soon!
Dustin
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My reply:
Subject: Re: From Dustin
Date: 9/12/2007 7:36:06 A.M. Mountain Standard Time
From: NetCritter
To: suicideace
I don't know what kind of response you expected to get from that email. I thought about not even replying, but I figured if I didn't, you might send another one. Just so you know, getting that email from you on Sunday ruined my entire day. Thanks so much for that. I waited this long to reply since I couldn't think of anything even remotely nice to say to you before now. I still can't, but at least now I'm not pissed and the visions of beating you to death with your own crutch have passed.
To tell you the truth, I had hoped to never hear from you again. I wrote you off as just another example of my bad judgement quite a while ago. Until I got the email from you on Sunday, I hadn't even thought of you in months.
What exactly was your reasoning behind sending me an email after 8 months and telling me that you love me? Honestly, I think you're just trying to fuck with my head and I really don't appreciate that. You proved to me that I didn't mean anything to you back in January. Everything you say that you miss now, didn't mean shit to you when it might have actually mattered. Hindsight sure is a bitch, isn't it?
It sucks that you were in the accident and I do hope you recover well from that. But if you're looking for friendship or moral support from me, you aren't going to find it. The time for that passed when you decided that nothing I did was good enough for you. I'll put my efforts towards people who appreciate it and where it actually means something. I don't let people shit on me twice.
If for some reason after reading this far, you still have those lingering feelings of regret - don't. At no time did you ever hurt me. I didn't shed a tear when it ended and I haven't had any second thoughts about you since. Never did I wish things would have worked out or that we might have got back together. Over is over. Like I told you before, you'll become someone I used to know. And you did - it's as simple as that.
You said you don't want anything from me, so then why did you send the email? Hoping to hear from me and keeping in touch would definitely be something. I don't see what good would come from keeping in touch. What were you thinking? That we might have some shred of friendship left so we can talk again and hang out? I don't think so. Did you think I might still care? I don't. Or that I've been missing you? I haven't for a minute. My life has moved on, and it's been for the better. I'm seeing someone
who appreciates me for what I do and who I am, and I absolutely adore him for that. Really, I should thank you for all that happened. To think that I might have stayed with you just long enough to miss out on my chance with Jared is not something I would like to contemplate.
Yes, it's good to share your feelings. Most people appreciate hearing them. But it isn't good to share them 8 months after the fact with someone who just doesn't give a shit anymore.
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And now the IM:
suicideace says:
I don't want to bother you I was just here and say that your were here and just wanted to say hello
Ill leave you alone now
Christine says:
why bother saying hello?
suicideace says:
Because you here and so am I
Just wanted to say hello is all
Christine says:
and?
if you don't want to bother me, then you won't say anything.
Last message received at 5:38 PM on 12/4/2007.
More Morons!
